Customer: Help Me! I think someone's hacking my computer.
Support: OK, what makes you think you've been hacked?
Customer: I don't think I've BEEN hacked, I think I'm STILL BEING hacked, I think someone's hacking my computer RIGHT NOW!
Support: It's ok. Calm down and we'll work it out. What makes you think you are being hacked right now?
Customer: Well, it's weird, I keep seeing someone called ian connecting and disconnecting from my computer.
Support: What do you mean? How can you see him connecting?
Customer: Down in the bottom right hand corner, I keep seeing a message saying "lan is disconnected" and then a few minutes later it'll say "lan is now connected" and then he disconnects again! Why would he be doing that? Please help! I use my computer for internet banking and I'm afraid he'll steal my money! Can we call the police or something?
Support (trying very hard not to laugh): It's OK. No one's hacking your PC. It's not I-A-N, it's L-A-N and it stand for Local Area Network. It seems your have a faulty network connection. Can you please check the blue cable connecting your PC to your modem?

Needless to say, his cable was faulty. :D

#15 - 2008-01-05 -

(Found in a custom SQL database)
SELECT *
FROM members
WHERE MemberNo >= '7624'
OR MemberNo <= '7624'

#20 - 2008-02-05 -

Ahh, this issue is caused by a PICNIC.
Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.

#7 - 2008-01-03 -

Geek 1: I started working with databases when DB2 was around
Geek 2: Yeah, well, I started working with databases when DB1 was around!

#35 - 2009-05-12 -

Support: Ok i'll get you to press the start button
Then we heard a beep
Tech: Did you press it?
Customer: Yes, i pressed the star button
The customer instead of pressing the windows start button, pressed the asterisk on the phone!

#24 - 2008-02-27 -

Support (to home customer): Do you have a fairly fast internet connection, because the file you need to download is 300Mb?
User: Nah mate, I've only got broadband.

#4 - 2008-01-03 -

User: I'm having trouble with product X
IT guy: I haven't used that product before
User: I followed the install instructions, but now I can't save any Word documents
IT guy: I don't know, I haven't used that product before
User: But I can't save my Word documents!
IT guy: You have more experience with the product than I do
User: But I've only installed it
IT guy: That's more than I've done
User: Can't you help me anyway?
IT guy: If you managed to follow the installation instructions, why can't you follow me instructing you that I know nothing about the product?
User: I just thought you might know...

#32 - 2009-02-05 -